Time to get jovial. This trinity of trailers showcases the power of taking a walk on the bright side, each all the more commanding for putting a swerve on what we’ve come to expect from ninety-seconds of marketing. Although, in the case of Burnout Crash, Criterion didn’t have to try hard to make things droll, it’s built into the forumla.
Serious Sam 3: Headless Kamikaze Trailer
Nobody grows up aspiring to become a headless kamikaze, the trailer’s star (a headless kamikaze no less) laments, which, you know, makes sense once you give the idea some thought but this short documentary almost manages to sell the shortest-lived vocation since Owen Hargreaves’ football career.
Having sent more than my fair share of headless kamikazes to the flaming depths of damnation, I’m as guilty as any for taking undivided joy in the act so this trailer rings deep. Headless Kamikaze Men are men like you and I; family men, good upstanding citizens with, er, mentally scarred children and sexually repulsed spouses.
But that doesn’t make it any less fun to shoot rockets at them.
I was slightly concerned when it came to light that Burnout Crash wouldn’t be a Backbreaker-style cash in. Why couldn’t Criterion just spruce up the collective crash junctions from Burnout 2 and Burnout Revenge, avoiding Burnout Paradise’s erroneous interpretation of public menace, acute disregard for public property and an even more acute neglect for the value of life? But this trailer put to bed most of those concerns. Despite playing from the top down, robbing me of those morbid last few seconds before plowing my tin-can racing car into an HGV, Crash appears to capture everything else worth celebrating about the mode: extreme desecration of vehicles, copious explosions and a brazen disregard for science.
The mode supports that Kinect thing which explains why the guy demoing it can’t drive for shit. But then, that almost seems like a perfect fit because anyone who can’t drive for shit is doing a pretty damn good job of driving at a crash junction. So say Giant Bomb, with Kinect you steer with your arms held out like they do in those silly gangster rap videos and jump when it’s time to make good on the game’s concepts of vandalism and destruction. Then, with your car totalled and ricocheting about the junction like a table tennis ball, you simply step in the direction you want to cause a ruckus in.
What I liked most about their write up of the game was the comment that you’re awarded goodwill points for not cannoning into ambulances. Presumably it’s okay to collide head-on with an SUV at a thousand miles per hour, but not okay to prevent those caught within the carcass from receiving some urgent medical attention.
I’m thinking too hard, Crash is a primordial game about smashing cars into other cars. Here’s a trailer demonstrating that exact concept:
Battlefield Heroes: Wake Island Trailer
Ah many a merry memory of sniping tank-turret fools from afar does this trailer conjure: a tank turret for a sensible perch in warfare makes not. That was Battlefield 1943 mind, I’ve not once expressed interest in nor played this free-to-play, pay-to-be-good first person shooter. Looks like a rollicking good time if you don’t mind paying per bullet.
This was supposed to be Bioshock: Infinite’s spot but that 15-minute beast of a trailer didn’t meet my statutes for inclusion, chiefly breaking the ‘must be less than 4 minutes in duration’ tenet as well as this week’s amiable theme. Although I do like how “amiable” has manifested itself as murder by suicide bomber, murder by lunatic motorist and murder in World War 2. Fucking videogames.
Oh yeah, Battlefield Heroes then: making murder merry.
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